On Graces Journey

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,”

II Corinthians 10:3-5 NKJV

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”

Revelation 12:11 NKJV

This testimony is to glorify Jesus, and I hope that it blesses at least one person.

I grew up in Indianapolis, IN. I began attending church regularly in middle school with my mother and brother. Although I attended church I didn’t really live it outside of a Sunday morning.

In my early twenties I was pretty much an alcoholic drinking nightly. Sex with men accompanied my drinking. So, I was an alcoholic wayward woman. I eventually graduated undergrad while working for the Lawrence Police Department. See, at this point I had worked my way up the career ladder, where I was the evidence clerk for that department. Little ol me responsible for thousands of pieces of evidence.

Let’s fast forward some more. At this point years had passed, I had a son at this point, but I was still in pursuit of living for me. See career status and position was what I was after. So I went back to school and obtained my graduate degree all while working a full-time job and being a single mother. Later, that same year I became a homeowner. Wow! I was really living now, evidence clerk at LPD, graduate with a graduate degree, and now a homeowner. See, I had built all of this on my own. Did, I seek the Lord on any of it. Yes, some of it but not all of it. So it was just two months after moving into our new home that things began to shift, and it happened over night. I remember one night getting the most eeriest feeling in my gut. It was so profound that I remember it to this day. But, soon after that things changed. How did they change? They changed with me. I began thinking thoughts that I never thought before. Like, I began thinking that my job was trying to frame me and send me to jail. Remember I was the evidence clerk and something like that could have been attainable. But, anyhow, I began feeling unsafe at home, I began feeling frightened for my son’s safety as well. I was literally losing it. I began taking notes at what was happening on my job as I preparing my case against them. I thought they had planted “bugs” as in surveillance bugs everywhere and I believed I was being watched, everywhere at all times. A few months had passed, and by now family had began to see that my behavior was odd.

 So, what happened to me? Medically speaking I was experiencing psychosis. But in lamens terms I had lost touch with reality. I began interpretting outward signs for meanings.

Sometime after that I began receiving messages in my mind.

And sometime after that I began hearing voices in my head.

So, let me stop right here and say, that we were on again off again church goers, so we went in seasons. Some seasons were really good where we attended regularly and then there were a few down seasons. I would try and read my Bible, that happened in spurts.

But, let me say this, today, I am convinced that if I had known Scripture for myself that this would not have happened to me. I would have known who the Lord says I am, like in Ephesians chapters 1 and 2 and in Psalm 139 and not based on an outward sign or another meaning. I would have known Truth and to cast down lies from the enemy and make it obedient to Christ. I would have known to take those thoughts captive and to put it up against the word of God and to live by God’s Word and not what I was hearing. So, ladies 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 is real. It’s not some passage that we can just skim over it’s something that we have to stand on, live by and put into practice.

So back to my story. I eventually ended up in the mental hospital, and to date I’ve been admitted on 3 different times surrounding alcoholism and mental illness. Because of the signs I was interpretting I ended up quitting my job. But you know what through all of my loss I’ve learned that my security is in Christ Jesus.

And to bring you to current. I’ve been in therapy for many years now. And it’s ok. But you know what. Jesus is my Healer. I’m on medicine for the Schizophrenia symptoms and anxiety. But you know who truly keeps me? Jesus. Jesus’s Word has healed me from who I used to be. I’m not who I used to be. See, after, I got out of the hospital, I got really close to Jesus by diving into His word. I began listening to Revive Our Hearts Ministry, a Bible teaching ministry and it really helped me. I began changing. It was my heart that was changing. Jesus was changing me from the inside out. I was no longer self seeking, but I was seeking Him. I no longer cared about career status and positions, but I was caring what Jesus thought of me, His plans for me and I was positioning myself at His feet. Remember those notes that I was taking to defend myself. Well, it turns out Jesus had my case all along. And I am forgiven.

If anyone was to ask me what has been my greatest healing to date, I would say the Word of God. I’ve been sober from alcohol for a little over seven and a half years. I currently practice abstinence. Going to church is the highlight of my week along with keeping the Sabbath.

Sharing the Word of God is a true passion for me. So, I like to write to share the gospel. It’s therapeutic for me, so I write on my blog.

I also love to cook for others. I enjoy raising my teenage son. I have a small business.

However, I still deal with schizophrenia, that is medically speaking, but spiritually speaking its spiritual warfare. Please continue to pray for me. I am much better now, I’m functioning at a much higher level than I was a few years ago. But like I said Jesus is my healer. I’m believing in complete healing with no more Schizophrenic symptoms. I believe Jesus can do it. In His timing. So, if you know someone battling with mental illness please continue to pray for them. There’s power in prayer. I know I would not be where I’m at today without my mother’s and family’s support and prayers.

 I Am an Overcomer in Jesus Christ. Yahweh’s word keeps me, Jesus keeps me and I’m safe in His arms. May God Bless you all.